Building Resilience and Working Toward Healing through a Support Network for the Whole Family
When we think of our village, we often think of our nuclear family. However, there is something to the old adage that it takes a village to raise a child. It’s important for families to have a broad support network that includes other family members, friends, neighbors, and even a therapist who can be a sounding board for stress in life. But this is certainly true for families affected by trauma.
When it comes to families affected by trauma, a trauma-informed approach embraces a broad and inclusive definition of family. This expansive view recognizes that it takes a network of people engaged in caring for one another, playing a crucial role in nurturing health, connectedness, resilience, and thriving dynamics that underscore healing.
Why Building Your Village is Crucial to Healing
I often talk about how important it is for parents to help children with trauma to build resilience. But if you don’t build your own resilience and support network, you will become drained and exhausted.
It’s impossible for parents of a child with trauma to do it all on their own. Healing requires help for you too. Having family members or friends who are on the same page when it comes to how to help your child is great. But it is also helpful having them step in when you need a break or to take some of the pressure off to help you keep from becoming burned out. Remember, you can’t help your child heal if you are not at your best! Plus, part of healing trauma means modeling healthy habits for your child, and that includes knowing when to ask for help.
Besides extended family and friends, your support network can also include:
- Mental health experts
- Your child’s doctor and therapist
- Your child’s teacher, counselor, special education teacher, and the school’s administrative staff
- Your religious leader or advisor
- A support group for families affected by trauma
- A social worker, foster agency, or adoption agency
- A community center or program for families
- Your lawyer (if there are legal issues around immigration, adoption, housing, etc.)
- Resource centers or programs that provide support for caregivers
- Your boss or an advocate at work who will stand up for you when you need time off or flexible scheduling
As you can see, it quite literally is a village!
Building Your Support Network
It will take work to build your support network. Part of it will just be finding the right people to be part of your tribe through trial and error. Remember, it’s okay to not include people in your support network who don’t actually provide you and your family with support. That means cutting out toxic family and friends to protect you and your child with trauma. It could also mean finding a new pediatrician if your child’s current doctor isn’t taking a trauma informed approach.
Find support groups that can become a sounding board for challenges, help you find resources that you need, and more. Utilize community center resources and faith-based resources to help you grow your connections and access to helpful programs.
You’ll also need to engage with partners in your child’s school. If your child’s teacher doesn’t understand childhood trauma, help educate them on trauma informed approaches by giving them resources.
If needed, seek specialized education for your child. Many children with trauma also have learning disorders like dyslexia or behavioral issues like ADHD. These specialized services can help your child be more successful in school.
Coordinate care plans with your child’s doctor and therapist. Making sure everyone is on a unified plan can help foster better healing, rather than holding your child back as one arm of the health network undoes what the other has done.
Don’t forget about the needs of your other children who may not have experienced trauma. Ensuring they have the resources they need to thrive and their own support is crucial. If you only focus on one child, your other child could grow to resent you, throwing a wrench into the healing process. Remember, healing must be holistic!
And finally, don’t forget to make crisis resources part of your support network. Having a number to call for immediate emergency help, such as during an emotional crisis, is important. You don’t want to be searching for a number to call when seconds matter.
Resources for Building a Trauma-Informed Approach to Healing
My own experiences of helping my child with trauma heal led me to delve into the neuroscience behind trauma, adoption support, and various other professional services that help families affected by trauma. But I have also been called to help other parents guide their children through trauma and toward healing.
I encourage you to take a look at my books! My first book, Where Do We Go From Here?, is a guide for parents in helping children through building positive, safe relationships. I also have a second book, Rewired through Relationship, that goes through what a child’s brain needs to heal from trauma and how parents can help. These books are a great place to start for parents of children with trauma to help build resilience and better understand the healing process.
