Tips for Building Daily Resilience Through Self-care
Caring for a child with trauma is both demanding and rewarding. But often, caregivers put their own needs on the backburner. We know that it can be frustrating to hear someone say that you need to take care of yourself, because taking time for a bubble bath or a hobby can seem utterly frivolous. But consider this: caring for yourself is the best way to care for others. It is not indulgent or selfish. It also doesn’t need to be a grand event to pursue once things settle down and you find time in your life. Instead, reframe self-care as a series of healthy habits and self-discipline that we build into our routines.
The bottom line: Self-care makes us more resilient and more self-regulated, protecting us from burnout and secondary stress trauma.
Remember, when you are stressed, burnt out, overwhelmed, or exhausted, it can have an impact on your child with trauma. Co-regulation is important. When you are dysregulated from burnout, it can cause your child with trauma to become dysregulated. But when you are regulated, your child has a safer, more positive environment in which to heal.
Start Here: Small Acts of Self-care
So how can you fit self-care into your day when you feel consumed by caring for a child with trauma? It’s about maximizing those short moments with small acts of self-care. Think about your daily routine. Now, where can you take a moment to pause? When do you have a moment to slow down, take a few deep breaths, and assess your state of being?
Perhaps it is before everyone in the household gets up for the day. Perhaps it is a short moment before the rush to the dinner table. Or maybe it’s at the end of your day as you get ready for bed.
We have the moments in our day, so let’s maximize them the best we can with small acts of self-care!
Once you’ve identified the time of day that is best for this small pause, think of a way you can prepare earlier in the day or the day before to increase the sense of purpose or rest you gain in those five or ten minutes.
Here are a few ideas for small acts of self-care you may like to try:
- Placing a meditation, prayer book, or journal beside the comfy chair where you usually sit.
- Add a soothing candle or blanket to your favorite rest spot.
- Place your walking shoes by the door so they are ready to go for a 10-minute walk.
- Fill a basket with the things you need to enjoy a hobby, such as gardening gloves and shoes for some daily garden time.
The goal is simply to prepare your environment so you can consistently maximize that daily pause. Remember, keep it low-pressure and easy to accomplish. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself grace about missed moments. Remember, this isn’t a test or a checklist to conquer. It’s about being more intentional with the time we have.
Next Steps: Build on the Daily Habit
As you get comfortable with this daily habit of pausing, you can then begin to build on it. It could mean extending the time, but it could also mean adding in another time somewhere else in your day.
Consider what makes you feel uniquely “you” aside from your role as a spouse, parent, or caregiver. Ask yourself these questions:
- Is there a class or a club that interests you, a new skill you wish to learn?
- Did you put a hobby aside that you’d love to pick up again?
- What was the last book you read that excited you, is there a local book club you could join?
- Where can you go to heighten the experience of your daily pause, such as a park instead of your neighborhood?
Identifying activities that speak to your passions can be an excellent self-care tool as it feeds both mind and soul.
Key Consideration: Identifying Obstacles
There are so many obstacles that can get in the way of a bit of self-care. Finding safe childcare and arranging time away for an activity or hobby can make you feel defeated about your plans before you even try them. But remember, that you must be healthy emotionally, physically, and mentally in order to care for others.
So determine what obstacles are in front of you. Be realistic about what you can afford both financially and time-wise, while still allowing you to achieve those self-care goals. Get creative! Swap childcare time with a trusted friend so you both get self-care time, or see if there are online groups you can join if leaving the house isn’t really an option at the moment.
There could also be resistance from family members when trying something new or changing the routine. These changes might feel upsetting to your kids or partner, and that’s understandable. But it’s also reasonable to let them know what you need and why. Reassure them that your need to refuel is not a reflection on them or their current care for you. Instead, it’s an investment in yourself to continue being the best caregiver you can be.
Other obstacles can include the practical needs of your home. Chores, soccer practice, paying the bills can all get in the way. So be more strategic in how you accomplish the mundane tasks. This could be changing the time you do the laundry, meal planning and prepping for the whole week, scheduling time to answer emails, or opting for grocery delivery instead of physically going to the store yourself.
Key Takeaways
Self-care is not selfish. It’s not about pampering yourself; it’s about taking time to recenter yourself by refreshing your mind, body, and spirit. It’s about refueling you so that you have more to give without overtaxing yourself. It’s about making you more resilient. You deserve the time and effort of prioritizing self-care that fills you with care, love, and energy that you can invest in your family!
