How to Collaborate with Teachers to Give Your Child the Best Chance at Succeeding Academically
As the parent of a child with trauma, nothing is more important than advocating for your child at school. But, you don’t want to be “that parent.” You know the ones–the parents that teachers dread talking to because they deem them too demanding or overbearing. But you do want to make sure your child is supported at school. It can be a fine line, especially when you feel like the teacher and school staff aren’t taking your concerns and suggestions seriously. In this article, we take a look at how you can best advocate for your trauma-affected child at school without being seen as “that parent.”
How to Avoid Being “That Parent” When Advocating for Your Child with Trauma
Here are a few key things to keep in mind when trying to be a better advocate for your trauma-affected child at school:
- Be Proactive: Reaching out early to build a rapport with a teacher or other school staff, rather than waiting for a crisis to speak up, allows you to build a relationship with educators before you need to lean on that relationship for support for your child. By building that relationship during the good times, you know that educators will truly listen to your concerns when an issue arises, rather than getting defensive.
- Assume Good Intentions: Approach your child’s educators assuming they want to help, even if they have a lack of training in dealing with trauma-affected children. Educators go into the work because they truly love kids and want to see them grow and excel. So when you get frustrated with your kid’s teacher, remember that you are all there to help your child succeed.
- Be a Partner: See your relationship with your child’s educators as a partnership, rather than seeing them as an adversary. When you have a conflict, frame your requests in a way that asks how everyone can work together to help your child be successful.
- Respect Professional Boundaries: Remember that everyone has their expertise–your child’s educators went to school and have expertise on how to educate children, while you have expertise in your child’s specific trauma needs. When you work together to meet both of those goals, that is when your child can flourish at school!
Be a Better Advocate: Strategies that Allow You To Collaborate with Educators
You are your child’s best advocate and we understand that you want to fight for them. But there are strategies that will give your child better outcomes. It’s important to focus on building a collaborative partnership with educators through protective, empathetic communication, rather than approaching it from an adversarial position.
Here are some key strategies that will help you be a more successful advocate for your child at school:
- Build a Partnership First: Lead with compassion and curiosity. Acknowledge that you share the goal of your child’s success. Rather than leading with demands, start by asking educators what they have observed. This leads to better communication and establishes a more collaborative, rather than combative, approach.
- Inform Without Oversharing: Remember that school staff need to know only enough information to support your child. They don’t need to know all the intimate details of the trauma your child experienced. Instead, focus on triggers your child has and the calming strategies that you have found to be successful for your child. If needed, help educate school staff on creating a more trauma-informed environment and self-regulation techniques.
- Request Specific Accommodations: Don’t be afraid to ask to work with educators to create a more trauma-informed environment at school, such as a designated space for self-regulation or de-escalation, calming tools, providing a warning before loud noises, or even specialized tools such as an IEP (individualized education program) or 504 plan.
- Formalize Support: Having a diagnosis or letter from your child’s therapist can help you obtain an IEP or 504 plan, both of which create legal requirements for school support.
- Document Everything: Keep notes on all conversations, including dates, names, and action items. Reference these when needed for followup and to ensure that educators are doing their best to support your child.
- Set Up Regular Check-Ins: Don’t wait for a crisis or issue to arise. Have regular, scheduled check-ins with your child’s teacher to understand how things are going and address small issues before they become bigger ones.
Final Thoughts
Standing up for your child and their well-being in school is important. But you don’t want to be a combative parent. Focusing on building a collaborative relationship with educators can set your child up for more success in the classroom. Remember, the ultimate goal for both you and your child’s teacher is for your kid to find success in the classroom!
