10 Steps to Healing Unresolved Childhood Trauma by Addressing Your Inner Child
As an adult, it is not too late to heal from childhood trauma. While your brain is not as elastic and it might take more work than when you were younger, there is still hope. In order to begin to heal from childhood trauma you will need to acknowledge unresolved childhood emotions, memories, and beliefs that continue to affect your life as an adult. This is known as healing your “inner child” or “child work.” By addressing the parts of ourselves in need of healing, we allow them to grow up with us, leading to emotional maturity, self compassion, and a stronger sense of self.
In this article, we’ll take a look at how healing your inner child can help you move forward from your childhood trauma.
What is Child Work?
The concept of “inner child” stems from the idea that everyone has a child-like aspect within them. This aspect of ourselves is built from a collection of memories and experiences from your younger years. When your memories involve trauma, neglect, or unmet emotional needs, your inner child can carry unprocessed pain or beliefs about your own self-worth and security.
Working with your inner child allows you to revisit and heal these wounds and realize how it affects you in the present day. Recognizing these pain points allows you to create a safe and supportive environment where you feel seen, heard, and valued. This in turn gives you the space and time to process your trauma and begin to heal from it. Think of it as “reparenting” yourself as you give yourself the emotional response you would have needed or wanted as a child.
How to Begin Your Inner Child Work
The goal of healing your inner child is to make sure you can fully process both the negative and positive experiences from your childhood years so you can move past them with a renewed understanding of your worth as a human being who has very real thoughts and feelings.
Inner child work does require therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a valuable approach for healing your inner child. A therapist will help you work to uncover your beliefs about yourself, especially those rooted in your childhood trauma. Making connections and learning to change negative thoughts into more compassionate and supportive ones not only heal your inner child but also empowers you to face life’s challenges with a healthier mindset.
While it is important to do this work with a therapist, let’s dive into some of the basics of healing your inner child and the things a therapist may suggest you do.
1 | Acknowledge Your Inner Child
To first begin working with your inner child, you have to start by acknowledging that your inner child exists and that your inner child has needs, feelings, and memories that are valid. As a child, you may have been taught to cut yourself off from those feelings or ignore and avoid them. But as an adult, the first step is paying attention to when you are having a significant reaction to something and to take it seriously.
2 | Understand Your Triggers
Knowing what triggers emotional impulses is key to finding out how to respond in healthier ways, and these triggers are often connected to the abuse one suffered as a child. For example, if you suffered from abandonment, you could be over sensitive to abandonment in certain situations and relationships in your current day life. Once you understand your own triggers, you can begin to develop healthier ways of responding to those situations in your life that are stressful as an adult.
3 | Journal About Your Experiences
Journaling can be a powerful tool.Take note of when your inner child pops up and write down how those moments make you feel and the kinds of responses they inspire. By journaling these experiences and feelings, you can begin to identify patterns of behavior that you participate in.
4 | Mirror Your Motives
The mirror exercises can help you flip the script so that you begin to internalize more positive feelings about yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and say a positive affirmation or healing statement. Be sure to say it out loud to help you internalize it more.
5 | Write a Letter
Try writing a letter to your inner child. If you are writing to your younger self, give yourself the love, compassion, and empathy you needed, as well as a sense of safety and trust. If you are writing from the perspective of your inner child, try to illuminate where the wounds are located inside of you and how they may be popping up. The next time your inner child is triggered, try writing a mantra to yourself, much like a positive affirmation in the mirror. Sit with that mantra, repeat it to yourself, and really focus on believing it.
6 | Meditate with Your Inner Child
To meditate with your inner child imagine a version of yourself as a child sitting next to you. Talk to that version of yourself and tell them what you wanted or needed to hear as a child. This can tap into a deep place that can help you identify where those wounds are located.
7 | Don’t Forget About the Positives
It’s important to identify both positive and negative aspects of your childhood. Chances are, you had some moments where you felt happy, safe, and playful as a child. For example, if there was a particular person in your life who made you feel safe, you can begin to recognize aspects of that relationship that are healthy and how you can feel that way again in a new relationship as an adult.
8 | Try Something New
Many of the previous steps revolve around increasing awareness so you can begin to make changes in the way you think and feel. However, once you have insight into your inner child, it’s time to put all of that awareness into practice by changing how you act and react to the world around you. Instead of doing what you’ve always done, try a different approach. If you are currently in a relationship, it’s important to let your partner know what you need. For example, if you didn’t get very many hugs as a kid, telling your partner you just really need a hug when you’re feeling down can also help you heal and taps into what your inner child needs at that moment.
9 | Be Childlike
Allow yourself the opportunity every now and then to do something that you once loved as a child. Don’t be afraid to be playful and to explore curiosities. Those who experienced childhood trauma may not have felt they were able to play and experience joy as a child. As an adult, we can often feel cut off from that part of ourselves. By allowing yourself to be playful and childlike, you can tap back into that joy as an adult, helping you reparent yourself and learn that it’s okay to have fun and do things you enjoy.
10 | Set Healthy Boundaries
Finally, unresolved childhood trauma can lead to difficulty setting boundaries or saying no. Strengthening boundaries is a key part of inner child work as it teaches your younger self that they are safe and valued. In relationships, make it a habit to honor your own needs, even if this is challenging at first.
Final Thoughts
Healing your inner child can be an important step toward helping you heal from childhood trauma. It allows you to reflect on your past traumas, understand your triggers better, and helps you develop healthier ways to respond to stress and difficult relationships as an adult. We recommend finding a therapist who specializes in childhood trauma who can help you begin to address your inner child.
