3 Things Every Space for Self-Regulation Should Have
As a parent of a child with trauma, there is nothing more that you want for them than to feel safe and loved. You have probably spent plenty of time working on creating a routine that works and speaking to your child where they are, rather than where society says they should be. Helping your child learn to self-regulate is part of their healing journey. A “calm corner” can be that quiet, safe space that allows your child to self-regulate. In this article, we’ll go into how to create a trauma-informed “calm corner” in your home.
Key Trauma-Informed Principles
First, let’s talk about the 4 key trauma-informed principles that should help guide you in creating a trauma-informed home for your child.
- Safety: the space must feel both physically and emotionally safe.
- Choice: giving your child a choice in what they use to self-regulate and calm themselves can help them feel more in control and limit feelings of helplessness.
- Co-regulation: caregivers should model calm, regulated behaviors to their child.
- Empowerment: focus on building self-regulation skills to handle big feelings; do the techniques, like deep breathing, together!
3 Things Every Calm Corner Should Have
Now that you understand the main principles that should guide you in creating a trauma-informed home, let’s take a look at how your calm corner should be designed and the tools you should have in it for your child.
1 | Location and Atmosphere
The top priority of any calm corner is to make it feel safe for your child. This space should be a quiet spot, so choose a low-traffic area that is away from a hallway or loud area of the house to help minimize overstimulation.
Make the space feel soft and cozy by adding a plush rug, some pillows, a bean bag, or even a sleeping bag for comfort. Use calming colors such as soft blues and greens, or warm neutrals. Keep the lights dim and avoid harsh or bright lights.
2 | Sensory Tools & Comfort Items
Calm corners should engage the senses so that your child can be in the present moment. These tools should engage touch, sight, and hearing.
Include tactile items such as fidget toys, stress balls, or playdough. Visual sensory items can include jellyfish or lava lamps, mermaid sequin pillows, and visual timers like an hourglass. Auditory sensory items can include a sound machine for soothing white noise or a selection of calming music.
Then, take it a step further with items that can help your child feel more grounded, like a favorite book, coloring books, or even a pinwheel to focus on breath. Or you can provide a simple guide to help them remember how to do deep breathing.
But above all, keep it simple in the calm corner and don’t overwhelm your child with too many choices. Clutter can be overwhelming and won’t lead to self-regulation.
3 | Visual Identification
Helping your child recognize and understand their feelings is part of helping them learn to regulate. Include items that can help them identify their feelings, like emotion cards or charts. Or create an “I feel” chart, which can help them express their needs. These tools of reflection help build independence, allowing your child to more easily identify their feelings and needs in the future.
Why Choice and Control are so Important
Finally, we can’t stress enough how important it is for your child to have choices and to feel in control of their life. Trauma is due to a loss of trust between an adult and a child. Because adults are generally in control of everything, experiencing trauma can make you feel like you have no control over your life.
By giving your child a choice, you are giving them some of the control back, which in turn helps to empower them and make them more confident. When it comes to creating your calm corner, give your child a say in the matter. Let them choose between items to place in the calm corner.
Remember to never frame the calm corner as a punishment. Instead, frame it as a safe space they can choose to go to in order to calm down, not as a “time out.” We often see in old parenting styles that we force children to follow along. But reframe your parenting outlook to remember that it’s about teaching, not forcing your child to do something.
Healing from their trauma must be done on their own terms and in their own time. Your child’s journey will be unique. As their caregiver, it is your job to provide them with the tools and the space to work through their trauma, to guide them, and to show them unconditional love. With time, you’ll see that your child is more quickly able to self-regulate, grow, and learn.
